It was a neg. I realize that its probably really early to be peeing on any sticks, but I just… my heart dropped. I’m not going to list out what I’m feeling or what my body might or might not be doing. Who am I trying to convince anyway?
Dear, whoever. This is why I believe I am pregnant. Blah blah blah. Can you please make it so?
No. Its pretty pathetic. Of course, the fact that I’m crying over a stupid strip of paper is possibly indicative of something else, but I still feel like a failure.
Its these moments… these reality check moments where I realize that luck, or whatever, is not with me. Its these moments where my horrible fear is realized, and I laugh at the ridiculousness of somehow knowing that this was going to be an uphill battle that I might not win, ever, when I was only 17. I am weak at these moments. I hate these moments. I wish I was stronger.
I wont be peeing on anything until Sunday. Hope I have good news.