life

Go Home! (rant)

It should come as no surprise that I hate govies.  They are disgusting, old, wrinkly sacks of useless ass who’s sole purpose in life appears to be annoying me to death.

There is a man on the other side of my cube.  I will name him, for the sake of future rants about this ugly asshole.  His name shall be… Coughmeister 3000.  Coughmeister 3000 looks like he hasnt changed his hairstyle since white people fro’s were all the rage in the 70’s.  It is lush, long, curly, and stupid.  He’s not too old, compared to some of the ancients in my office.  Around 50 something.  Sure, that sounds right.

Coughmeister 3000 likes to use every single computer except his own.  Every single one.  Including mine.  Especially mine since its right next to his phone.  When I first started here, I had to go sit in the hallway because this fucker had commandeered my entire cube.  Not just the damn computers, the entire fucking cube.  When I laid my crap down on my first day, he asked my boss, who was standing right next to me, “Can you get her to move her things?”  Um… what?  I’m standing right here.  I speak English.  You can talk directly to me.  I’m not a contractor you condescending ass face.

He finally found some place else to steal a computer.

He now sits another cube down and uses the internet computer there, all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  He likes to play flash games all morning long and pretend like there is nothing wrong with it.  He even likes the sounds.  😐

Now, the week I was gone for that stuff in that place, apparently this guy thought it was open season on my cube, and sat here the whole time.  And when I came back, I was informed that he had coughed on every single piece of real estate.  The other people thought he was really sick and were lysoling themselves from head to toe.  My informant told me this so that I could do something about it… but seeing as how we had the Snowpocalypse for a week, I’m pretty sure the germs had died in a week of absolutely no human contact.

As a result of this asshole getting his phlegm on, I wrote a happy little nasty gram and taped it to my computer tower.  It reads:

Please do not use this computer if you are sick!  I have a compromised immune system and any illness can put me out for weeks!

In fact, if you’re sick, you shouldnt be at work in the first place.

Seriously.  Dont use my computer if you are sick.

– AB

Right now Coughmeister 3000 is coughing up another lovely lung in his cube.  Right next to mine.  Last week he was farting left and right.  I got an air freshener.  It helped.  If I buy some lysol and spray it over the wall, would I come out as a bad guy?  Hmm?

I hate govies.

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