life

I’m A Fucking Moron

So, today, after walking across the street with M to get a sammich and a Caramel Apple Spice from the Starbucks (zomg heaven!!), I came back to my office excited about nomming and the warm awesome in my hand.  I wasnt paying attention to the ridiculously large door that has always greeted me back to my cube farm.  I pulled the handle pretty hard, and crunch.

No, no.  Really, it was CRUNCH!

An epic crunch.

My poor left pinky toe went numb.

Oh god.  I swear, in that instant, I totally imagined that my toe was in the middle of the hallway.

Sad.

Detatched.

I looked down.  Nope, still there.  Oh god.  It’s entirely red.  And HUGE!

In the 15 seconds it took me to hobble to the other side of the door, my toe had already swollen something serious.  I also still couldnt feel it, but I could feel the tremendous amounts of pain radiating from the entire left side of my left foot.

I managed to limp my way to my cube, looked up the number for the clinic, and asked if a possible broken toe was an “emergency” since it was lunch time and closed.  They asked if I needed a wheelchair and I declined, but it was decided that I should get my ass downstairs to visit.  The folks there were all super sweet and kind and the doc took a look and said that, “Yep” it sure looked broken.  No need for an x-ray since the treatment is the same and I cant take the good drugs for the pain/swelling since I’m knocked up.  They did hook me up with a very pimp cane and two ice packs.  Awesome.

I also had to fill out 10,000 tons of paperwork since I was at work when this happened, and is thus covered under workman’s comp.  I can almost entirely guarantee that I wont be going to see my normal doctor.  For one, I dont have one (our awesome doc left the practice so we did too) and for two, its too much paperwork.  Lol.

So, I gotta hobble to the grocery store, anyway, but now I get to pick up some 1/2 inch tape to tape up my toe every other day or so.

People have been looking at me and asking if I’m ok.  I’m fine.  I’m just a fucking moron.  Or an epic moron, if I dont know if they’d appreciate the foul language.  Two dudes by my cube tried to convince me to use the motorized scooters since I’m pregnant and hobbling and look incredibly depressing with my cane that’s 4 feet too tall.  Thanks, but no thanks.  I’d feel really bad if I took something from someone who needed it.

Anyway, yeah.  I’m a fucking moron.

The pinky in question is on this foot. Now imagine it 12 sizes bigger, and red. On a side note, I really miss that nail polish.

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Discussion

2 responses to ‘I’m A Fucking Moron

  1. What an entertaining story but for the fact that you really broke your toe. You should either write short stories or a book about your prego experience. I truly enjoyed your crazy humor!

    Like

  2. is it sad that you are the SECOND pregnant woman this week that I know who broke their toe then went to the grocery store…very strange!

    Like

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