It has been a month and a half since I updated. And while there’s really not much to say, I feel guilty.
Yeah, I went to San Diego. Getting back was a hellish affair and I dont feel like reliving it. It was an adventure, but all I wanted to do was sleep for days by the time I finally got back to DC.
Yeah, I went to St. Louis. And it was quick and dirty, and during my birthday. I wanted to be with my family, but work required otherwise. C’est la vie.
Yeah, I’m hella busy at work, but that goes with the territory of being slightly importanter than the mole people who generally inhabit the office. I have a functioning brain and the will to excel, so therefore, I win in this giant ratrace to nowhere.
Yeah, in about 2ish weeks I’m gonna be going to a leadership retreat type thing. Thankfully I dont have to take any planes to get there (it’s 30 minutes down the road), but I will be away from work for 2 weeks.
Why am I taking leadership training? I dont know anymore. At first it was because I was excited about doing well at work. Now its because it’s whats expected of me. On one hand I want to embrace my eventual rise to management and take control of it, but on the other, I wanna go all Scarface from Half Baked on everyone and say I’m Out. And its not because I hate my job. I dont. I know what I’m supposed to do, and I do it well, with little bitching on my part. My issue is with upper management. Not my first line management. My awesome boss chick and is still mostly awesome. Its everyone else above her that I want to verbally bitchslap. Oh really? I’m controversial? Do you want to see how controversial I can beeeee????!!?
I could go into all of it, but my head hurts too much to really think about it. And honestly, that’s how my battles have been thus far. I could argue louder, longer, stronger, but eventually I lose the will to fight. And maybe that’s the whole point? Maybe that’s how the federal government breeds their future bureaucrats. At the end, the very end of your last string of willpower, right when you’re about to say, “whatever” for the final time, that’s when they pick you up, dust you off, and say, “Welcome to the club. You’ve passed. Here’s your SES and gold parking permit.”
I dont know. I’m sitting here in my office at 5:30pm. I changed my schedule because, well, 1, I need more sleep, and 2, because the entire office vacates after 3pm. I finally have time to sit and do my work uninterrupted for a good 2 to 3 hour stretch. No phone calls about briefings, emails about training, questions from other co-workers, websites to fix, people to coddle, management to impress. I can sit and concentrate on whatever new task I’ve been given to complete.
I didnt intend for this to be a work bitchfest, but there it is. It actually feels good to write again. I hope to do it more often.