I just knocked over the Itzbeen.
Now I have to lean over, possibly fall out of bed, and over extend my arm to get it back.
But I did it.
So, M and I hired a caregiver for the Monkey and the Bean. She comes over every day at 10am, and stays till around 6:30pmish. The Monkey is having fun with her, starting to trust her and all that jazz. I have no qualms about leaving them alone. The Bean, on the other hand… let’s just say that I’m not ready to let her not need me, yet.
Since the last post, M and I came to the conclusion that the Bean was seriously not tolerating the lactose free formula all that well. So we tried Soy for a day and things went spectacularly to shit. Literally. So then we moved on to the Alimentum, and things have been much better since. Shit is expensive… two cases cost me $104 at the Babies R Us. But the price is secondary to the Bean’s health and happiness.
Anyway, I’ve kinda been blaming myself for a) not going with instinct when instinct first said, “Something’s wrong with that kid’s digestion” until well over a week later and b) just being entirely guilty because she’s my child and damnit, it’s gotta be my fault, somehow. And its because of that guilt that I just want to snuggle her and kiss her and hug her and apologize.
In any case, I go back to work on the 6th of Feb. The caregiver (who needs a name for the blog, lets call her “Molly”) will be here at 10am, whereas I leave for work at 5:15am. M will be with the kiddos till she arrives, then he goes to work at 1pmish. I get home around 5pmish… juuust in time to make some dinner, feed the Monkey, bathe the Monkey, snuggle the Bean, and try to put them to bed. At which point the cycle will begin again.
My first week back will actually only include 1 effing day actually in the office. The rest of the week I have to go to a conference which is blessedly only down the street. I have another conference 2 weeks after that, and that one is in the city… and attending it should be as shitty as I imagine.
I have one more week of maternity leave before things go back to our new normal.
The new normal… it looks exhausting, but there’s nothing I can do to fix it right now, so all I can do is just smile and accept it.