work

How Are You Still Alive?

anigif_enhanced-16323-1424464004-22Today in “What The Hell Am I Doing Here?” we look at people who are so dumb, I seriously question how they are still alive.

SharePoint is a change for these folks, and yes, change can be scary.  I give lots of people tons of leeway when it comes to asking me questions, but when the instructions are idiot proof, and I’ve already sat with them and showed them, and reiterated my instructions, I’m going to get mad.

Eventually they asked me to come over.  I stood up pretty mad and stomped my way off.  Along the way I knew I had to calm down and not yell at the poor dumb thing, so I started repeating “beep boop” in the most high pitched voice I could.  It’s a tumblr proven method for dealing with anger.  And it worked.  By the time I sat at her desk, I was curt, but not about to brain someone.  Not that it would have worked, tho.

My friend, who I was venting to, asked if I’m a babysitter.  Sometimes it feels like that.  Then he mentioned he wanted to be a govie.  I said that I was gonna end up spending 20 years smacking my head against the wall and by the end of that time I’d be able to medically retire early from federal service due to “brain trauma”.

Look at all this scar tissue!  It’s been built up over 20 years of working with morons!  How is this woman even able to breathe??” – Some doctor, probably, looking at an MRI of my brain.

But even then I doubt they’d give me that out.  They’d probably promote me a dozen times over so that by the time I’m drooling and peeing myself, I’d be in senior executive service and the director of something.

What even is my life?

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