life

I’m Watching The Twilight Saga: New Moon

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You can’t tell me that Cas doesn’t love Dean and feel jealous of Anna mackin on his man.

We all have that one epic fucking ex.  The one you’ve stayed friends with and skirted around getting back together with and never falling out of love with.  If it hasn’t happened yet, and you’re of the persuasion that loves love, then you will get there.  Bob is mine.

We dated when I was 14 and 15, and he was the first person I slept with.  The second person I fell in love with.  When I met my ex husband, I was kinda dating Bob again.  I was saving up to go to California and see him during spring break.  He always hated my ex husband for that, stealing his girlfriend and being a general asshole.  We used to joke about him being my Jacob.  He hated that title.  But he always waited for me.  I even visited him while M and I were skirting around breaking up.  We didn’t sleep together, but it wasn’t for lack of me trying.  (I’ve never admitted that to anyone.)

When M and I broke up for good he was an incredible shoulder to cry on.  He was my emotional rock.  And then I met my last boyfriend, and I did it again, to him.

Last Thanksgiving I started actually pouring my heart and soul into him.  I wanted it.  I was finally in a place and time where I could fall in love again.  I started writing him and flirting and… and he has a girlfriend, now.

He’s moved on.

I immediately apologized and quit texting.  It was heartbreaking.  But nothing less than what I deserved.  And I deserve to feel to this way, like I’ve lost out on a great person.  It’s true.

This movie makes me miss my Jacob.  And makes me realize that he was never a Jacob.

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