As a concept, I am over food. This new stomach takes me from peaceful to starving in absolutely no time. I’ll be sitting here, perfectly content in life one minute, and the next I’m all “If someone doesn’t feed me RIGHT THIS MINUTE I’m going to throw down”. And this all happens anywhere from 2 to 4 hours after I last ate, which granted, wasn’t very much, but I physically cannot eat that much to begin with! I get shaky, I feel sick, I hurt like its going out of style, and when I do get some food? 5 bites, tops. Do you know how incredibly frustrating that is!?
AHHH!!!! I am over it. I am OVER all of it. I am over not eating what I want, and not eating enough at all, and the vitamins, and the medicines, and the lack of energy, and the crappy way these shakes taste, and the same handful of shit that I know I can eat, and I want fucking pizza, and I miss sleeping (which is probably indicative of a vitamin deficiency somewhere), and I just… I’ve hit a goddamn wall, today.
I need a good cry. Logically, I know I won’t end up with esophageal cancer, and my stomach bile issues are probably all over, and any number of other great benefits… but I don’t want to adult/handle life today, and you can’t fucking make me.